I fell in love with a transfer student.. What now?
I fell in love with a transfer student from west Turkey. He is amazing in countless ways, and I'd love to spend my entire life with him. He loves me too, and we are moving in together in May. But, there is always a catch, isn't there? He not only loves and misses his hometown to death and is always depressed when he leaves, but he has to serve six months in the Turkish military as an enlistment. But now I am in love with him and terrified that he is going to, in two years when he graduates, go back to Turkey and leave me broken hearted and chalk it up to "life," as he often does with hard situations. He has a "C'est la vi" sort of outlook. But I have had my heart broken before and I am completely terrified of being hurt, so any answer besides "follow your heart," which is really venerable right now, would be muchly appreciated. He just answers, "I dont think much of the future, babe." But I do, because I am safe guarding my heart. Does anybody have experience in this? If you do, please help. Thank you so much.
Other - Society & Culture - 3 Answers
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1 :
just live for now.you never know what future would bring. May be you can even go to Turkey and live with him for a while
2 :
I think you asked this question because deep down you know what you've coming from this relationship. I hope you be smart enough to not move in with him because if you are serving the desert before the dinner he will just loose the appetite if you get my drift. This is real hard to tel you but from this relationship you will only come out with a broken heart. whatever you do, do not get pregnant because then you will be crying not only for the man but also for your child. It's another culture, and another world all together, In the best of the hypotheses lets think that you would get married and you would follow him to his country if you get accepted into hes country. See when its another country you need to get an visa to get in and an permit to live there and you don't get in the country just because you're married to one of their citizens. And there's nothing anyone can do its up to the country to let you in or not. I don't think you need to worry about this though because if you read between the lines your boyfriend is telling you right now that he has no intentions to be with you in the future when he tells you he does not think of the future. you just have to open your eyes and decide what you want to do about this situation a broken heart hurts to much, there's an decision to be made here and your heart is fighting it but your brain is yelling at you to wise up and get out now and cut your losses short.Have you done a little research into his culture? His religious beliefs, the traditions, rituals, I mean anything that could tell you about how he was raised and what his expectations would be for a wife to see if you even fit in? I am sorry to be telling you all these things. I know they are not what you want to hear. I am telling you this with the best of intentions so if you stay with this guy do not stay with hopes that he will stay here because of you or will take you with him when he leaves. Good luck and Happy new year or you.
3 :
My dear, I just read your post and thought to give you some similar examples from my life. I understand you are in love and let me tell you; it is going to be difficult along the way . I married an international student from Istanbul while he was studying in the USA. It has been 7 years since. Turkish man do make good husbands. However you must be prepared for anything that may come along your path. I know you love him but how much are you willing to sacrifice in the name of love? All Turks I know here in Atlanta are moving back home as soon as over with school. Are you ready in the future to live there? Are you Muslim? Are you ready to have your children ( if any in the future) Muslims? Are you familiar with the traditions and their way of life? Do you cook , clean, and act like a modern day "slave"? It is something that is in their culture , a woman does everything for the man...You have to explore deep inside you and ask yourself if you are ready for this. And one more thing; usually Turkish man prefer to marry one of their own , trust me, and they are all blindfolded by marrying a "virgin" if possible. I do not mean to discourage you ; as I said Turks make good husbands. I have adjusted better because I come from a different culture and we are accustomed with everything mentioned above. Think it clearly and rethink your love ;if you think you truly love him and are willing to sacrifice a lot , then go for it.. As for myself ...we are moving to Istanbul this summer. .... Take care and let me know. Christina
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